Stupid things I've said (In English) part1

I just read a post by a girl that lives the "opposite" life of mine... while I grew up in Switzerland and moved to CA, USA in my mid twenties, this girl grew up just a few miles away from where I live now and moved to Switzerland in her mid-twenties...
therefore, I instantly feel connected to her and so very many things she says. (We have met more than once and I even took her wedding pics).
Often, while she complains about Switzerland, I remember how much I love that place. Whenever I complain about CA I almost always remember her and wonder if that's just what she misses about here...

ANYWAY, she inspired this post and thanks to her, you will read some totally and completely RIDICULOUS things I've said over the past few years, while learning the English language.
ENJOY!!!

"You are such a woody" (direct translation from swiss-german woody meaning idiot/silly)

When I served as a LDS missionary, on a day off, while relaxing in the park, tossing a ball back and forth this one Elder made fun of me being a girl and wanting to play football... I stated:
"Elder, I'll show you how I can play with Balls".
I had NO CLUE what I was saying and until that Elder turned BRIGHT red, did not know I said anything wrong! I was explained later what I said and ever since then I have been careful using even the word "ball".

This year new-years while playing cards with some friends of ours, I told my good friends Husband that if he'll trade me a card (part of the game) I will give him one of my cards and "I'll do you a favor" or "I'll owe you a favor" which one ever is bad (I don't remember) and he answered: "No offense, Lydia, but no thanks!" Everyone laughed and once it clicked in my head I felt a bit embarrassed but laughed too!

I used the word "intercourse" instead of "intersection" before. Fun one, especially since back then I might have heard the word once before only. So embarrassing.

"Heads off to you". (Instead of Hat's)

I know there is so very much more... I'll have to add more later...
I can't tell you even a fraction of dumb things I've said cause I simply don't know better, if no-one points it out, I will never know what I've said!
So if you remember any of the funny things I've said, write me so I can update it for people to read and laugh.
I'm not offended when people laugh on my expense when it comes to my English language skills (usually, at least) because I'm still learning and I'm OK with knowing that I'm not perfect or even close to it!

So, please laugh but also, please remember to LOVINGLY correct me when I make those funny little mistakes.. I'm trying, I really am!

xoxo, Lydia